Proud As Punch

Are We Nearly There Yet

 I now have a greenhouse on the allotment! I feel proper now like I have everything in place to do it like a pro, you know grow from seed for next year and all that. I must admit this new language of “first early’s” “second early’s” “main crop”and “lates” is completely new to me. Companion planting jeez what’s that? My courgettes compared to everyone else’s don’t seem to be doing overly well but I did harvest a few gooseberries, red onions, which I hung on the line to dry out and a few lettuce this weekend. 

I think it’s going to be a bit suck it and see this year and hopefully by next year I’ll be a little less clueless. I was heartened when the old chap who believes an allotment should be functional not pretty and has a very old school approach to growing had a wry half smile when I told him I’ve put comfrey with nettles in a hessian sack in my water butt.......I think he approved. We also have a new baby girl born to my neighbour on the allotment born this week which is always a joy to hear..

Last week turning into the estate where the allotment is I spotted a house opposite that had a table at the front with some plants for sale. This wasn’t on my radar before as I was focussed on all things allotment but OH is making progress with the garden area renovation at home so my I interest was piqued. Noticing a few lavender plants I swung the car round to stop and check it out.

My vision in that part of the garden is sensory in terms of smells and that grey silver green planting look. I love seeing colourful gardens it’s just not me. Shouting “hello” an old chap jumped up, he was having a tinny with his neighbour. I said I’d like a couple of his lavender plants to which he said “can I take you round the back to show you my tropicals” My reply was your a bit forward we’re not even on first name terms yet, he laughed. Here was another little gem! I could easily turn into the garden equivalent of those people that view houses with no intention of buying. He had eucalyptus, quirky grasses and other unusual plants just the sort of thing I had in mind. He also told me I need perennials. I must confess I know it may sound obvious the perennial, biannual, annual thing but it’s a bit like first early’s to me, I have no idea. Plants picked we did a deal and I’m picking them up at the weekend.

Patience they say is a virtue that I really don’t seem to have and I know it infuriates the hell out of my OH. We are waiting on wood for him to do the structural part, a “blue” job. He’s done the prep and worked really hard and I know he’s thinking there she goes jumping the gun buying fucking plants! Oh and a fire pit. I just can’t wait to do the “pink” bit with cushions and the dressing of that part of the garden.

Like a big kid I’m all Are We Nearly There Yet.

Sha x

Apples for Apples

I’m not really a watch person. I have maybe three that I don’t really wear. Many years ago spotting on the wrist of a very elegant lady the most unusual watch I’d ever seen, it was exquisite, very dainty, very expensive looking and asked if I could try it on it was so lovely. Now recalling back I remember that I found it odd she referred to it by what I naively at that time thought was the name of the chap that had bought her it. What a dick I was! A few years ago a client came in with her sister and had the same style watch. It was a Georg Jenson. The prices range for a non watch kind of person to a maybe possible doable to jeez that much for a watch! the price of the watch I coveted no amount of hint dropping was I going to find it under the tree, even for a joint birthday and Christmas present. 

A couple of years ago under the tree from OH was a watch, an Apple Watch. I’m pretty sure J had some “fluence” on this gift as I think if you broke him in half like a stick of rock he’d have Apple running through him. Not wanting to seem like an ungrateful twat I embraced the watch even upgrading my mobile to pair with it. See I WAS committed. At first the novelty of being able to take a call, you do look a bit like a bodyguard talking into your watch, answering the delivery driver at your door whilst at work and paying for items in the shop was rather cool but then I started to find it intrusive, sometimes making me jump, seeing others in meeting getting a notification on there watch is like seeing some one having an involuntary spasm both disconcerting and distracting and to be honest I’m really not that techy. The watch lay languishing in a drawer.

Last week I had a notion to sell it so put it on a few selling sites. Unusually for me I had the box and all the bits and bobs which were in immaculate condition. Seemingly not one sniff of interest then a message in messenger. The offer of over full asking price to include shipping pricked up my bullshit antenna. Checking out the made up name profile my response was decline. Then another message in messenger from Dougie in the US who wanted it for his girlfriend who was in the UK Dougie’s profile showed a lovely photo of him with what looked like his lovely little wife who were surely living in some retirement complex. It also begged the question of how this had come on his radar from a selling site in Yorkshire UK, another decline I’m afraid Dougie. Another message from a local lady, ah that’s more like it. We arranged to rendezvous at a petrol station half way the next day. Pulling up in the petrol station I checked out the lady in the car next to mine. She got out of the car to ask if I knew her my reply that I was meeting someone there that I didn’t know but I was sure it wasn’t her sounded all kinds of wrong. Another lady pulled in and it was my watch lady. She checked it out paid me cash and other than a couple of messages to say she couldn’t pair it, she was about as techy as me, I got the teen on to it and we were sorted.

Arriving home on Friday after work and a quick nip up to the allotment, OH had been up there most of the day, was a very pleasant looking lady with a girl around fourteen talking into the Ring. It was quite comical as T is connected to it as well as the OH so they were both remotely trying establish what she wanted. It turned out her daughter had lost her Apple Watch she thought in the field near me but the location was showing it at my address. Clearly it couldn’t possibly be at mine but I felt uncomfortable at the thought of her thinking it was and then the battery died. The lady and her daughter lived a few villages away so I said I would put it on our village page. It was a long shot with little expectation of her having it returned. Sunday morning OH had taken the dog out on the field and came back with a note that had been taped on the field entrance gate. Watch found on 18.06.21 call this number. It was the girls watch! I was so relieved it had been found as I could never have proved it wasn’t at the location showing on it.

An Apple for an Apple and a little fellow faith restoration.

Sha x

Keeping Up Appearances

It seems to me that most women my age have a signature look, a style. If you were on a shopping trip you could pick something up and say that is so such a person. They seem to have their shit together, I'm not talking ALL their shit. Women my age have more than likely gone through lots and lots of THAT shit and have learnt to handle it in a better way with the benefit of wisdom that age brings and choosing the battles to fight or do a "Frozen" and just let it go, but in terms of how they choose to  present themselves to the world. Me, well I seem to have gone from having quite an interest in getting dolled up and clothes buying to actually not giving a shit. I struggle year on year with the transition from winter to spring. My love of "loungewear" has intensified over the last year. I see other women in gorgeous loungewear looking casually stunning whilst mine will have bleach splatters on part of it or it is none coordinating. The minute I'm home I step out of my uniform, bra off, jump in the bath snd on goes a clean sorry description of loungewear.

I bought some shorts the other week in preparation for the good weather. They were neither the best looking shorts or skirt not a skort and I realised I looked like something out of a Dawn French comedy sketch. You see I have reverse body dysmorphia, I think I look alright until I see a below the head shot of a photograph of me and realise I’m fat. The shorts weren’t a good look. Oh how I wish I was one of those women who in the warmer months don a pair of shorts and t shirt and look amazing. 

The shed for the allotment had been collected and as J was up to help his dad they decided to put it up on Friday. There was a lot of effing and jeffing. J asking how much I’d paid for it as it was a bit worse for wear. I knew OH could sort it and he refused point blank J’s offer of a new one. His words were if I had 10k in my arse pocket nobody is paying £250 for a new shed for the allotment. They made it good and it is kind of fit for purpose.

As the weather is now quite good I needed to decide what my lottie attire would be. Early in the year of acquiring the allotment I could wear any shit but I think I needed lottie summer clothes. OH checked his wardrobe for shirts and shorts. I now resemble an episode of Some Mother’s Do Have Em but they serve a purpose. I also have come to the conclusion that flip flops don’t cut it a sturdy foot support is required. I have my gear.

On Sunday the shed was painted and not unlike me it is a bit shabby around the edges, weather worn and needs a little bit of support here and there, but a lick of paint and it’s scrubbed up well.

The shed represents a little bit of my space and as far as I’m concerned unlike me is keeping up appearances.

Sha x

Time for the Big Guns And A Slam Dunk

Life up at Lottie has been hard work. We have four raised beds and two other beds all planted and all seem to be coming on nicely. The rest of the allotment was waist high in grass and weeds with extremely uneven ground. I now know why sturdy boots are worn to support the ankles, this terrain has made mine feel like I’ve done ten rounds with Tyson Fury, the terrain has knocked the stuffing out of them. I had arranged to collect the shed on Sunday and it became clear there was no way we could tackle this manually, especially the area that needed to be levelled and flagged where the shed is going. We needed to strim and rotavate the rest and seemed more than a little daunting. 

A call to arms was put out on Facebook and a friend who is an established allotment owner came up trumps with a petrol strimmer we could borrow. I went to collect it from her on Saturday morning at her allotment and had immediate allotment envy, she even has chickens which we’re not allowed to have. Her fella kindly showed me how it worked, gave me petrol and extra wire. I kind of nodded some understanding hoping to god OH was a little more strimmer savvy, he is. He set to on Saturday afternoon and uncovered our plot which yes is uneven but in my mind a little gem. Where I was once worried about the trees, we’ve cut back all the brambles that obscured the fence and the trees give a really dappled shade the perfect place to put the shed. There is a little robin that bobs in and out of that part and I spotted a squirrel in the trees yesterday. It feels like a protective backdrop to my plot teeming with wildlife. I also love watching the bees busying themselves from flower to flower. 

Another of my mam’s sayings is “If you get your heads together you could make a wooden hut”. I’m not entirely sure what it means but I get the gist of it. The more time spent up at the allotment the more allegiances and alliances are formed, it really is becoming a little community. Tools and equipment are shared and on our Facebook group anything on selling sites that we may think is useful to someone is posted on there. It’s not always what you know but who you know and one of the plot owners has connections. It was time to bring in the big guns with some kit and physically. We could collectively get a rotavator for twenty four hours at a good price split between who ever utilised it, I was definitely in on that one. 

I ended up with the job of allocating time slots and collecting the money. Two of the guys were responsible for of the booking and delivery of the mean machine. Along with a serious piece of kit arriving there were some seriously rufty  tufty guys turned up to tackle the mean machine and one of the guys on hand to show them how to operate it. I did have a little go but it was really hard work and was very grateful for my plot being done by one of the guys. It’s been a hive of activity up there today and I’ve spent most of my day there, it’s been a glorious day weather wise and to watch everyone mucking in and helping one another has been heartwarming to see.

Being up at the allotment is for me a new passion. I can’t wait to get my shed up and days like today are reminiscent of childhood days, those halcyon days of long hot summers, making daisy chains, buttercups under our chins and just being out in sunshine and nature before the health and safety of slathering in sun cream and a floppy hat before you could possibly enter out in the world. I may not be doing the daisy chains but the vibe is the same. Coming home that nice weary feeling, hungry, a little sun caught and ready for a bath but feeling extremely happy.

The big guns came out and it was a slam dunk in more ways than one.

Sha x

The Lost Garden

Many years ago I think T was around 13 and A was 8 years old, on one of the selling sites I happened upon a Wendy house, quite a large one that needed collection. As with most of my "projects" I imply to my OH that he doesn't need to get involved, I'll sort it, which up to a point I do but then it comes to the "blue" part of any job and he knows he's going to get roped in. This was no exception and he duly constructed it. The kids have had some use out of it, the occasional sleepover in there but over the years it became a bit of a dumping ground a little battered and unloved and does take up quite a big space in the garden.

I'm very fortunate to have two areas of garden, my serene, green and grassed part with a pagoda and sitting area. The lights twinkle in the pagoda on an evening and strategically placed lights around the garden highlight the shrubs and OH's addition of a statue that casts its shadow wide. In here are one of my favourite plants which I was delighted to be gifted from my DIL's aunt. Another plant gifted from a family and now given the name of their loved one.  It gives me a lot of pleasure sitting there watching the birds especially the robin's, robin's are brave little souls and take no shit. I also liked to see the little field mouse I named Stuart Little he however has been usurped by Ratatouille which is another story. This part of the garden is very private it doesn't back on to anyone else's garden and gets the sun from first thing in the morning until early evening.

The other part of the garden which gets the sun from most of the afternoon until sundown was initially going to have a bit of a Mediterranean feel with decking, potted plants, gravel and a water feature the ideal place to eat out in the evening. When J & K and now the fur grandchild came to stay with us we've always felt crap that they've had to endure various sofa beds or blow up beds downstairs, no peace and no privacy. Feeling that it would be nice for them to have their own space OH came up with a plan. To say there was somewhat of a huge disparity in his vision and my imagination would be an understatement. I started looking online at the "outdoor living space" options but he had other idea's, he was going to build it himself. Wood, chip board, insulating materials were delivered and covered to keep from getting damp. This truly was a "blue" job and I looked forward to the time of the "pink" jobs of making it look pretty and homely. Now I do have faith on my OH even at times when I don't share his vision, he usually comes up trumps and often surpasses my expectations, the idea of linking it to the Wendy House though I just couldn't conjure in my mind at all.  At times you have the money and not the time, others you have the time but not the money so progress has been slow, it was half erected. On the fridge some times I put a list of things I'd like to happen in that year, you know a kind of visual reminder, a manifestation, if it's on that list I need to make it happen and satisfaction when you've ticked something off that list.

Four fucking years later this is STILL on the list and I am sick to the back teeth of looking out from my dining room table at Steptoe's yard. I peg my washing out there, go to the garage and let the dog out. On occasions I've said should we tidy things up a little which really meant we've moved a pile of shite from one place to another. The Wendy house became even more forlorn as it was like  a Bear Grylls challenge, all danger and peril surrounding it. One dare not go out there in flip flops unless a trip to A&E for a tetanus was your preferred option of  spending an afternoon. Last year we decided to use the decommissioned recycling boxes to grow vegetables, probably where the idea came for the allotment. This did not enhance the look of this part of the garden. Over the last few months OH has made some planters potted them up and put the potted bamboo at the front of the house, we got a brand new door, oh how I hated the green one we had, and it looks really pretty out front. So it's a bit top show, fur coat and no knickers as the back part looks like a shithole. When anyone visited I'd steer them from seeing the back garden into my little haven bit or say smiling OH has a project going on. Failing that I'd just draw the curtains.

Many conversations with OH and showing him Instagram accounts of peoples outdoor seating area's fell on deaf ears, he can be quite determined *stubborn*. This weekend there was a breakthrough J & K were up for the weekend. As T moved out last year they are able to sleep in a double bed in a bedroom so it now kind of negates the need for the outdoor room. I don't know what J said to his dad but the idea for the outdoor room has been put to bed. Whoop, whoop thank you J. I got on a selling site and put the Wendy house on there free to anyone who would dismantle and collect. A lot of the wood can be repurposed up at the allotment, leaving not too much crap to be got rid of which J is going to come up and help with next week. I have a week off work so can really get stuck in too.

My vision of this area may not be the IG version in my head and it's not now going to be the OH's version either but within the next few weeks it will be a version of a garden that we can actually sit out in, have a meal out there, and enjoy the sun going down.

The lost garden will be no more.

Sha x

 

Memories and Loss

You know when your in the car and a song comes on it evokes all those memories of that time. My playlist is very eclectic to say the least from Matt Monroe to Prodigy. If I hear something I Shazam it to add it to my list. Every song is a memory of a time, place or person.

Sometimes I have to flick it to another song depending on my mood and weirdly depending on how it hits me I can react to a song by dancing around, yes even in my car, to being in floods of tears. Last Christmas by Wham is a classic example, it takes me back to such happy memories of being in the house my mam and dad lived in which they had bought in a small village many miles from where we grew up. They extended it and created an amazing family home that was always filled with people, music, laughter, it was a bit of a party house and occasional strops and tantrums. And of course Christmas when it would be festooned in gaudy decorations and lights, which my dad loved, he just loved that time of year. The Wham song can come on the radio and I feel such joy but equally it can floor me.

I now realise my dad was a gadget twat a term used by another blogger. He had an eight track surround sound thing, cine filming and one of the first Motorola mobile phones which was the size of a small breeze block. He loved all the new gadgetry.

This week my niece sent me a link to the videos from the cine films my dad had done back in the late 70’s early 80’s. She’d sent them off to be put on whatever we can view on them now, I’m a bit thick with this kind of stuff but the link she sent I could view them. 

Seeing these films transported me back to those times. My first wedding, I was so young and I bloody hated my dress. What's the rule? your future husband shouldn't see the dress until the day of the wedding, well he came to Pronuptia, THE at that time wedding dress shop to go to and chose it! The flares and the fashion styles. I had some denim jeans that I had customised into quite short shorts, on one back pocket I had dipped my hand in some paint to leave a hand print and on the other pocket I had sewn a badge with a cat sat on a fire and I wondered why my dad spit his tea out shouting "You're NOT going out in those". There is no sound on these films but I can cast my mind back to the banter and conversations that we had. The many trips to Spain to Casa Aquarius. What a whole new world to us was Spain in the mid seventies. My dad pretending he spoke fluent Spanish and the laughs we had watching him trying to communicate, back then there were very few English speakers. Donkey rides in a tiny unspoilt village way up in the mountains. It was quite a hairy drive up there. Market visits, mam loved a market or two and had to buy the obligatory "Benidorm Donkey" to bring home amongst other things. Larking about in the pool and the sea. N when she was a new born, at my mam and dads she only weighed 5lb 9oz and I'd forgotten how so tiny she was. Another video of her then aged 5 joyfully splashing about in the sea. There is a whole film dedicated to the Humber Bridge and it 's progress being built. Dad had a bit of a fascination with it and ironically Hessle foreshore is a place I visit when I want to just be. 

I couldn't understand why I became so emotionally overwhelmed on a girls trip to Benidorm a couple of years ago, it completely blindsided me. My one stipulation to the ladies on the trip was that I wanted to go back to Altea the small town that holds many memories and a couple of them were happy to come along with me. I had never been back to Spain since those days and right there on these video's were so many of those memories. The feelings and memories brought sharply back  made me cry,  made me laugh and smile fondly. I absolutely loved seeing them. I also thought at that time I was fat! God no I was so skinny, lesson to our selves on perception. 

I’m so very grateful for my niece in doing this and that my dad liked his gadgets.

Priceless precious memories captured of a time that once was in the minds eye now not lost.

Sha x

Lottie Love

The friend of the lady who I went to see about stuff for the allotment is a professional gardener and allotment owner herself, I was all ears to glean any advice and tips. She suggested I YouTube a guy called Charles Dowding on the “no dig” method which she wholly recommended especially for a newbie like me. Well after checking him out I realised I would need cardboard.............lots of cardboard. The idea is you lay down the cardboard it suppresses the weeds and eventually breaks down into the soil placing the raised beds on top of it, seemed like a good way to go to me.

Feeling the need to work smart not hard I wondered the best way to get cardboard. Going through neighbours brown bins didn’t seem ideal so I called our local electrical store and Halfords, they should have large boxes, to ask the random question if they had any cardboard and if so could I have it please. They were quite happy for me to collect. The guy from the electrical store was quite bemused as to why I wanted all of his large pieces of cardboard. “Its for my allotment” and clearly he’s never heard of the Charles guy as I could see in his face there was no correlation for him for cardboard and allotment. Halfords couldn’t give a shit why I wanted it they were just glad to offload and put it in my car, which was helpful. I can at times play the hapless, helpless woman when it suits. My local pizza shop saved his boxes from his deliveries for me, a round robin email to all branches at work and a colleague who had just moved house all contributed. After a week of collecting cardboard like some demented person I hoped I had enough to make a start.

My new go to are selling and free sites on faceache and I was delighted to secure a shed for fifty quid. I then messaged a lady who was selling 20 flags stones for a tenner. OH and I had a bit of a "domestic" about this, his argument was how would we get them and it would be easier to order some to be delivered straight to the allotment. Trouble is I do like a bargain. Saturday morning he said tell her we’ll have them and we can go collect them in two cars. I’m very grateful he’s on board. Someone else on a selling site had some plants, cucumber, tomatoes, rhubarb and a gooseberry bush! I do love a gooseberry crumble which doesn’t  seem readily available nowadays. Opening the gate into her garden was like stepping into a horticultural grotto it was amazing.

The weather has been abysmal. I know my mam always said “Don’t cast a clout until May is out” but jeez its been wet preventing getting anything done on the allotment. We’ve managed to make a start when it’s been dry. To be fair OH, T and her boyfriend have done most of the donkey work whilst I’ve been at work, dismantling the raised beds and bagging up the compost to put back in them when put in place. Between us we’ve managed to get four raised beds in place and two other beds all planted. I’ve found it quite satisfying removing the bracken from where the fence is, you can see where you’ve cleared and how it opens it all up. I’ve got bruises, had bracken in my hair and wrapped around me, that stuff gets where water won’t! You know those aches you get when you’ve done some manual work out in the fresh air, its a kind of nice ache and nothing an Epsom salt bath won’t sort.

This weekend there’s been a bit of a buzz up there, beds being created, raised beds put in place and sheds going up. Passing the time of day with whoever’s up there. A few of us have decided to hire a rotavator between us for a weekend which massively spreads the cost. I’m looking forward to the better weather and having our little allotment community. Going up there, being outdoors away from everything and the only thing to think about is planting, the feel and smell of the earth literally is a breath of fresh air.

Like any new love it’s a little obsessive and all consuming and I’m pretty sure we’ll have our ups and downs but for now, I’m just a little in love.

Sha x

 

Here We Grow

Quite honestly if I had said to my 30 year old self that I would be considering an allotment I would have had a "word" with myself!

We have dabbled in the garden with growing vegetable's, tomatoes, lettuces and the like with some greater successes than others. I'm a bit of a chuck it in and see what happens kind of gardener but oh not the OH he is a little more meticulous than that and unlike me does take on board what Monty has to say on a Friday evening. I find it quite distressing when he starts cutting things back to encourage new growth, it looks like total annihilation to me. I kind of like the let it do what it likes look, but he is usually right.

So back in January a little seed started to germinate in my head (pardon the pun) about having an allotment. The thought of growing our own vegetable's organically seemed appealing. On making enquiries there a quite a few rules and regulations to having an allotment. I couldn't be on the list for one in my local town as you have to be a resident in the area so it became clear it would have to be in the village where we live. I emailed the parish council to be told there are two local to me, one that is established and had a waiting list BUT there is a brand new allotment planned for the top of the village where a new housing development has been built. This would be allocated on a first come basis.  I may have contacted *harassed* the parish council lady a lot, asking questions on what the criteria would be for allocation, what was happening, they were waiting to sign the land over. Then lo and behold last week there was an email to arrange to meet that day at 5.30pm up at the allotment. The land had been signed over and ready for allocation. I was beyond excited.

A small group gathered up at the brand spanking new allotment to choose our plot. A full plot was huge! and too much of an undertaking for a newbie were my thoughts. People staked their claim whilst I was pondering. Whilst the council lady signed people up and marked on the map the plot that they wanted I was still pondering. She then said the part on the other side near to the car park was also available, I claimed that. Now I don't know if I've dropped a bollock here as a week down the line and a few YouTube video's later.....I know, I know, I should have done my homework prior. Maybe I should have checked where the sun rose and set as the back of my bit has tree's which is quite shady.

Quite quickly we've formed a little community, a Facebook and WhatsApp group has been set up. As it's a new allotment we are all in the same boat as new allotment owners, there is none already established and refreshingly a lot of young couples. The guys hinting that it will be the equivalent of a man cave and standing stroking their chins wondering where to start. I must admit I've been up there most evenings to plan what I'm going to do and put what where, but it seems quite daunting too.

Now way back in January when the thought first came to me about having an allotment, somehow despite being told about the waiting lists and the slim likelihood of  having a cat in hells chance of getting one any time in the next few years I had popped in my Amazon basket A Guide To Allotments Handbook. I chatted to anyone I knew that I was getting an allotment. I just knew with every thing in me that it would be a reality soon. Having a conversation some time in February with a lady a throwaway statement of when you get your allotment let me know I may have some bits and pieces that maybe useful. 

The lady texted me in April to ask if I'd heard anything about the allotment yet to which I replied unfortunately no I hadn't. So when I'd had the meet up, signed on the dotted line I texted her to say yes I got my allotment! She asked if I could meet her at the house she is selling to see if there was anything of any use. And right at the bottom of the garden was the magic, practically just about everything needed to set mine up. What first seemed very daunting now seems very doable. 

It is going to be hard graft, especially initially but what I may lack in knowledge there is no shortage of enthusiasm, an allotment guide book, YouTube tutorials to watch and a picking of others brains. I'm pretty sure my OH will have lots of input too, even if it is to reign in my impulsiveness, he's much more of a Proper Planning and Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance advocate. 

So this weekend the work begins. Magic, manifestation or luck, all I know is I asked the universe and boy did it provide.

I'll keep the little seed of a camper van in my head....well just for now.

Sha x